Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Bad Words at a Reformed Seminary


Seminarians at reformed seminaries sometimes say bad words. But they do it differently than most people. The following is a list of words that the first year Seminarian will soon learn to blush upon hearing them whispered by the hardened lips of second and third year theologians.

Schleiermacher

Usage: "I bet Schleiermacher would agree with your point."

Explanation: Might as well say your theology is heresy and you don't believe in the existence of God or anything, not even imagination. This is a fun way to call someone's theology downright "liberal."

JEDP

Usage: "So I see you've begun to take the JEDP approach to trusting your Bible."

Explanation: Moses wouldn't appreciate these four little letters. They say that he didn't write the Pentateuch and that scribes and other authors are responsible for compiling the OT into what it is today. In other words, it's a fun way to say you don't trust the Bible or believe in the supernatural because you ruled out the supernatural before it even had a chance.

Open Theism

Usage: "I'd like to keep my afternoon 'open' to do whatever I want."

Explanation: Depending upon which Open Theist theologian you ask, these two words say God only knows most of the future and leaves a small sliver open for us to decide (usually in regards to our fee will). However, some people think it's rather good word, focusing on God lovingly limiting His sovereignty. I guess only God knows what will come of this word, or does He?...

Rob Bell

Usage: "Rob Bell!"

Explanation: This word is also interchangeable with "love wins." You may have heard of a recent book that sold about a billion copies from the desk of Rob Bell. Although he would deny being a Universalist, he believes that God's love will eventually coax everyone out of hell. Sadly, he is mistaken, and now his name is synonymous with poor theology.

Limited Inerrancy

Usage: "Your theological position essay is limited in its inerrancy."

Explanation: This position takes the point of view that the Bible is not completely true and valid in all statements it makes. In other words, despite the Holy Spirit Superintending the writing of the Bible, somehow lies and mistakes made it into the text. The problem with this position, is suddenly the reader of the Bible is now placed in superiority to the text itself. We somehow decide which passages are right and which ones we throw out. One word for this entire perspective... Garbage!

Liberal

Usage: "You liberal."

Explanation: Imagine one words that is the sum of all these other terms. Being called a liberal is like having tea with Rob Bell so you can discuss what you love about Schleiermacher, JEDP, limited inerrancy, and open theism. If you get named "liberal" at a reformed seminary, it's pretty much like catching a bad case of heresy leprosy.
Image By: Steve Snodgrass

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