Friday, July 13, 2012

Top 10 Hazards of Seminary

There are a few hazards people don't tell you about when you sign up for seminary. Here, to warn the general public, is my exhaustive but incomplete least of the top 10 dangers. Brace yourself.

#10 Walking on campus the first day and realizing... MEN! MEN! MEN! MEN!... no women...

*(This is actually a bonus for the few women attending seminary)

**What's our solution? Finding Love Online! (Aff Link)

#9 Having this conversation:

New seminarian, "I'm super excited about learning to serve God at seminary!"

Debbie Downer, "Seminary? Or Cemetery?"

New seminarian, "What?... I don't know what that means..."

Debbie Downer, "Doom! Doom! Doom! Don't have a positive attitude! Doom! Buahahaha!"

New seminarian flees crying.

#8 Finding out that the Song of Solomon isn't a nice book about goats.

#7 Realizing that despite what your Systematic Theology Professor says, it's not cool to tell people you are "Homoousios."

#6 Discovering that alpha, beta, gamma is not a Greek sorority; but Greek is your new girlfriend, and she owns your life.

#5 Finding out you must draw your Bible sword and choose your side:
  • Calvinism vs. Arminianism

  • Covenantal vs. Dispensational Theology

  • Old vs. Young Earth

  • The Galactic Empire vs. The Rebel Alliance

  • Unicorns vs. Narwhals
#4 Learning that Charles Finney was a heretic and Semi-Pelagian is a bad word, but Calvinism is a term of endearment.

#3 Trying to use the word "sex" to be more relevant and sneaking in the phrase "Jesus Christ God Incarnate" when nobody is paying attention.

#2 Getting made fun of when you ask, "If 'exegesis' is what we do in the New Testament, do we do 'exemoses' in the Old Testament?" (get it?... Exe-Jesus vs. Exe-Moses)...

#1 Having to explain your seminary jokes that nobody else understands.

(Bonus Hazard): Instead of whispering 'sweet nothings' to your special someone at seminary, you whisper, "Sola Scriptura, Sola Fideles, Soli Dei Gloria."
Image By: Jonsson


  1. OH MY GOSH this is hysterical ...AND SO TRUE!!

  2. Love it. I lol'ed. :)

  3. I choose the Rebel Alliance and unicorns, obviously.

  4. This sounds like you! I bet your significant other had to listen to a lot of other "nominees" before you settled on these.... My favorite is #2 although #1 hits close to home!
    See you soon.